My Prisoner

I either heard or read, or both heard and read, a true story about a person who wrote to a man in prison over many many years and each changed each other’s life. Possibly I also read or heard a story about how much people in the army (always men for some reason), love to get letters even from strangers.

Being a somewhat inconsistent activist, sometimes protesting, sometimes donating, sometimes making signs, but often not doing any of those things, I thought. . . “I can write letters to a stranger and help to make their life better”.

I began the search for the someone. Unfortunately all the links to men in the army turned out to be men looking for romance once they were out of the army. So, on the suggestion of my child I went to Black & Pink which has a list of incarcerated people from the LGBTQ community.

After sifting a long time through prisoners who were mostly hoping someone would write sexy and romantic letters, I found my prisoner who seemed interested in getting mail from anyone. When you sign the form of Black & Pink it clearly tells you this is an obligation and that you need to be willing to give your real address. Also, you should prepare to correspond at least once a month.

My prisoner is Running Wolf (given name Charlie), a trans women in prison in Texas, for arson. We started writing to each other in 2012. In my imagination I would write beautiful eloquent notes on lovely cards describing my rich inner life and she would crave knowledge and education and want to read novels I suggested. In reality I learned that you can’t send lovely cards to this prison. You have to write on white paper and mail the white paper in a white envelope.

Running Wolf had already been in prison for two decades and said she had at least 7 years more to serve. She is in her mid or late 40’s. She has a mother, estranged and a dead father. She has no teeth. No close relatives. She did not want to read rich and complex novels. She instructed me to send romance or historical fiction grab bags from I Mail to Prison, an accepted organization by this and many prisons. The grab bags are filled with used paperbacks and cost around $40.00 each. No matter how often I sent them she seemed always running out of things to read.

She wanted other things. She wanted some Penthouse zines ($10.00 per), tons of information on The Three Stooges (where was Shemp buried, how old were they when they died, where do/did they live). She hates Trump but wanted to know why Biden spoke poorly, why we were supporting Ukraine, if Biden really won. She wanted to know about my sexual preferences re: positions, how often I shave my legs, my bra size, nipple info, if my husband was the jealous type.

She sent me pages of country songs and I was to send the full lyrics.

Country songs.

She seems kind and worried about me when I went for eating disorder treatment, called me her big Sis, sent me coloring book Mother’s Day cards. Often, she wanted things. When she learned from me that I have a trans daughter she had even more questions. Which hormone drugs to take, how to calm pube itch after shaving, and other personal things I was to ask my child. I did ask my child some of these questions but I got sort of tired of it. Still, I did the best I could to make her life feel less lonesome and to be a supportive presence.

Then, recently, she was released to a halfway house, after I’d sent money to her prison account for shoes, ciggies, whatever. In order to be allowed to send money I had to give my phone number so I provided my land line.

I did not know she was released until my husband and I came home from a week long trip to visit family and there were around seven messages on the answering machine. Finally, she reached me. And called around seven more times over the course of two days. “Could I buy her a phone?” No. “Could I send stamps and paper and pens?” Yes. She called a lot over the following few days and I said I did not much like the phone and also, it was too much.

She is not out as trans in the halfway house. She had her pal, Clyde call me one day saying Charlie went out and bought a phone and some clothes and would I send $70.00 in cash right away. I said no. When Running Wolf called again I said she needed to respect some boundaries, like not calling me multiple times a day and expecting me to send cash upon request.

Then, for days, weeks, I heard nothing. I was worried that I had upset her (and also relieved) but got a rushed letter saying she had lost my phone number. Meanwhile, I mailed a package with a notepad, a page of stamps, some pens, and a letter.

This is tricky territory. Black & Pink doesn’t make clear what your responsibility is when your pen pal is out of prison. I will send her my phone number. In my letter I said I would send her good books, now that I can send them from home, or no books.

I am not sorry I did this. It did not change my life and I am not sure it has changed hers, but I am not sorry. Still, if you think you might want to try this, and I support doing it, it will not necessarily become a heartwarming story on the radio or in the newspaper. It can be hard to say no to requests so think about what you are willing and able to do. Let me know how it works out.