The chalkboard at my local library.

My first chalkboard post.

Before there was a chalkboard at the library where I worked from June 5, 2005 until May 31, 2020, there wasn’t one.

Every library has a set of shelves for patrons who request items, called a hold’s shelf. Ours was once a set of rolling grey carts which would fill too quickly and did not offer our patrons any privacy. So, we got a set of book cases, 3 of them. Generic, brown, kind of ugly but functional. Only one of these cases had a back that could be seen in its entirety. The other two were mostly obscured by desks and carts.

One day the director came in and noticed the ugly plywood back and asked the head of our branch, called the branch librarian, to “do something to make it look better”. So, we thought. As Pooh would say “think think think”. I came up with the idea of using chalkboard paint and then letting people write on it or do tic tac toe or whatever. But the thought of it being used by the public, what with dusty chalk near library materials was a little scary, so I offered to write something.

I am a perfectionist. I wanted this to be nice for a wide audience, young and old, and considerate of the public’s varied opinions and beliefs. So, first I chose an image and a few words from Charlotte’s Web which I have loved since I was little and still love. Then, as time passed I did all sorts of posts. Funny, silly, profound and beautiful. I didn’t mean to take it over but I have good handwriting and patience and I liked to scour books and other posts for inspiration. So, it became my thing.

After Trump was elected.

Only once was I asked to remove a post. It was another more distant time of political upheaval and I wrote a few nice quotes from presidents past & current, including Barack Obama who was then president. Our director said it was too political so I erased it and wrote a caption by Audre Lorde. Truthfully, her quote was much more political but because he had no idea of who she was it was left alone.

Lord is Lorde.

When I retired & after our branch librarian took a new job at a different library I was introduced to my library’s new branch librarian as the “person who knows more about the building and everything in it than anyone”. True. Also, as a famous artist. Not true. It was congenial and I asked if I might continue to write on the chalkboard as a volunteer. The answer was yes, from the new BL and the assistant director. I was happy. They seemed happy.

There were some adjustment issues, as happens, with a new person taking over a place that had been led by other people. Growing pains. There was some unhappiness. I made a mistake, as happens, and tried to make things better for all. I was too honest, and maybe just naive. Suddenly there was a less congenial relationship between myself and the new person. I ruffled feathers and they would not be smoothed. I tried. I wrote humble and ingratiating e mails asking when I might write something again. (I saved them, as I do). First it was “in a while” and then it was “I’m taking things in a different direction”. It is still my local library so I stop in to see the new direction. I had a photo but I deleted it. It was a messy scrawl on a dusty board (I would wash in between new writings and every so often spruce up with a fresh layer of chalk paint) and vapid; something you might see in Oprah magazine or at a coffee shop.

I heard from patrons who are in many cases my friends that they missed my chalkboard posts. I tried a new tack. When I was in to pick up a book I simply asked when it might be alright for me to write something there, on the chalkboard. The reply was “I don’t know to what you are referring”. So I said, “you know, the chalkboard. We talked about me continuing to write on it”. The reply was again “I really don’t know what you’re talking about”.

I was ghosted. I was erased. In person.

A wiser person might have let it go, as my poor husband always asks me to do, often and without much success. Instead I e mailed the director and his assistant, with copies of previous e mail exchanges about how it would be nice for me to write on the chalkboard. Five days later I received a kind, dismissive e mail from the director himself telling me essentially that there is a new boss in town and to let it go.

Mostly I have. It’s when I read and hear nice comments from friends local and far about how much they liked what I did that I feel a little bitter and also sad. I can’t try again. I have groveled and been embarrassed. I still use the library and I always look at the board and am always disappointed.

Off course, this is my version of events. I’ll leave this blog with one more chalkboard post I did and when they pop up in my Facebook memories I will share. I’m afraid that’s as close as I’ll get to writing on THAT board.

I really just want my friends to know I tried. I didn’t let it go. I myself was let go.

My last day was May 31st. I stayed to help during COVID reopening. I mostly worked alone except for afternoon outdoor pick ups for our patrons. I put everything in order, cleaned every cd, everything in storage. It looked perfect. I don’t believe I changed the library, but it most definitely changed me.