Archive for November, 2018

Burning Bridges

November 22, 2018

I’m not sure I know anyone who has burned a bridge, except my mom, who burned them often and without regret.

But now, among my friends, I don’t know anyone who has. I’ve known people who know people. I’ve seen it on you tube. But I don’t know one person who has even wanted to burn a bridge.

The world, and my tiny state of Rhode Island, feels too small, too intimate, too connected.

I might know people who need the bridge, and like it. Who want it to last. Who want to use it. These people, who are my friends, will be angry at me.

There is a bridge I have wanted to set afire for about three years.

At first, there were a few people on the bridge I hoped would be on it when it went up in flames. Now, with the passage of time, I have softened and there is only one person left on the bridge when it collapses.

I have mentioned this desire to a few people and all of them warn me against it. No who knows why I want to burn it thinks my desire is unjustified. They just believe it will backfire and somehow hurt me.

And therein lies the dilemma.

Is it always necessary to use good judgement?

In this day of cell phone recorders and cameras, how many people are going to question my judgement when the moment of wreckage is taken out of context?

At this moment I still want to burn the bridge. But I am not stupid or reckless. I have to wait.

By the time I am ready, I wonder if that one person will be around to fall. I wonder if I’ll be around both in terms of geography and of mortality.

By the time the time is right, I wonder if I will still have this desire and the courage to see it through.

I wonder if good sense and a forgiving nature will win out.

I hope not.

Just once I want to let my anger run its course. I don’t want to pour water on the flames. I want to open the door and let the oxygen rush in. I want to see a blaze and then, I want to finally walk away, walk away.

Walk away.

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