Your Reputation Preceeds You. 

I was known as a fighter. In my teens, my 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, and even into my 50’s people have seen me as someone who would not shy away from a confrontation. I was the truth teller. I once picked a fight with a robot at an Auto Fair. 

Let me tell you, that person, if she ever was, no longer exists. Truly. I raise the white flag. You can knock me over with a feather. 

I might have a bit of fight left for causes bigger than me. For Black Lives Matter, for equal rights, for my child. But for anything personal? Feel free to just take what you want from me. I am not thinking about revenge, about vindication, about getting back at anyone. I do not wish anyone harm. I don’t imagine in my wildest dreams hurting anyone. I was never the sort to be interested in throwing a punch anyway. I used words to fight. 

Still this reputation follows me. I am begging you, let this image of me go. I was never really that person and I am less that person now. Have at me. I surrender. 

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One Response to “Your Reputation Preceeds You. ”

  1. miraclecharlie Says:

    Hey, dear one, SO get this. Oftentimes, it seems, family (especially hard) and long-time friends relate to you as if you continue to be the person you were ages ago — eventually I had to come to understand that some people are stuck where they are, and so YOU TOO (for them) must be the same person you have always been — a person who, far too often, they never REALLY knew anyway. I was — once upon a time in specific situations — mean, hard, shelled — because I lived in terror. That Charlie long since died, and I don’t regret him, he was required them to protect me. But some people are TERRIBLY invested in me being a hard, mean person — because it justifies their behavior. So, yes. Sorry so long. I get it. I feel your ache about it. Love to you.

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