Archive for July, 2012

The Truth About Me

July 26, 2012

People who know me, including some of my closest friends, think that I am always brutally honest to the point of tactlessness. They believe that I always tell the truth when asked for my opinion, whether it be about a hairstyle, clothing, art work, or moral and ethical dilemmas.
I am sometimes tactless, but the truth is that I hate to hurt anyone’s feelings. Maybe if I were face to face with Dick Cheney or even Mitt Romney I would tell them what I feel in my heart (it would not be good). But if I care at all about a person, I am not going to be honest about an issue that isn’t life or death if it means making you cry or feel unhappy or feel lacking in any way.
I think I got my reputation because I can rant about things large and small with a fiery passion. I can get worked up over politics (obviously), television shows, fashion, unions, public schools, climate change, books (obviously) and even ugly yards. That’s because I have no power over any of those things. No one really cares what I think. I am not a critic for the Times, or a blogger for Huffington Post. I’m not a news anchor, a talk show host, or a teacher.
So, here is the truth.
When I was in my teens through my late twenties I was sometimes very depressed, and thought about suicide (has anyone ever gone through life without once thinking of ending it all?) but I was always stopped in my tracks because of the mere thought of what it would do to my parents. It felt irresponsible and cruel and so I turned to junk food instead of death. (And eventually I turned to therapy).
I would never be able to write a searing memoir about my childhood while my mom is alive because there is no way I would want her to feel the sort of hurt I know she would feel. Not that there was anything horrible, but you know, everyone can paint a bad picture of their lives if they want to.
I could tell a friend if I thought an artwork might be better if they did this or that to it, but I could never outright say that I disliked something completed.
I have one friend who dresses so badly that I have fantasies about calling the team from What Not To Wear. It’s a television show hosted by Stacey and Clinton who show up as a surprise and toss everything in your closet AFTER telling you why each piece of clothing you love and own is disgusting, outdated, and unflattering. Then they teach you what to buy and send you off on a shopping spree worth five grand. I just can’t be the one to make that call to the show, even though I know my friend would be right up at the top of the list of people to make over.
So, if you’re looking for real honesty of the sort that can leave you under a blanket for days, don’t ask me, especially if you are my friend. I’m not who you think I am.
If you want an opinion about politics (I loathe Mitt Romney and am terrified at what would happen to our country, and the world in four years if he is elected), books (Fifty Shades of Grey: kind of funny), television (I love it a lot), famous artists (Sean Scully leaves me completely cold), fashion (I like low waist skinny jeans, crisp white shirts and Louis Vuitton), adultery (I’m generally against it), Capitol punishment (against it though there are people I would like to kill or see die), and ugly yards (what are these people thinking?), I’m your woman.
I don’t give a shit about being vegan, eating gluten free, or following a paleo diet. I don’t want to talk about composting, worms, or owning chickens though I’m fine with anyone who wants to compost or own chickens.
If I could ban a book it would be The Secret.
I hold a grudge. But I also change my mind about things.
You can ask me my opinion on anything and I will be honest, as long as it isn’t personal.
And that’s the truth.