Archive for April, 2010

delusion/illusion

April 30, 2010

I am heading out soon to go to NY and Philly. Normal people would find this a short, fun, easy breezy experience. I hate leaving. All I can think is that if I were only home I could get so much done. Drawing, writing, maybe start a home improvement project. As if!

It’s like when I was a little kid and thought that if nobody else was on the skating rink I would somehow be able to skate like Dorothy Hamill.

There is a myth about time, my personal myth. I think if I had endless blocks of time I’d soar artistically and in every other way. I would do all the things that don’t get done and they would be grand and notable.

The truth is that even if I had all the time in the world, and I do have plenty really, things would pretty much be the same. Sad, but true.

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Men

April 30, 2010

There is a big long article in this past Sunday Times magazine, about some guy named Mike Allen. It’s about his job with Politico or some web news org. and about his power within Washington. It’s one of those depressingly male stories. Every single person mentioned is a man. The creators of the web news org are all men. The story is written by a man about Mike who was his best friend ten years ago and who he openly adores in a man love way. I’m sure the guy is power with a capitol P, but what else is new?I would rather read about Ariana Huffington.

Plus this Mike never sleeps, is “generous to a fault” but doesn’t share any personal information. Nobody knows exactly where he lives, when his birthday is, what his father did for a living etc. There’s somethint creepy about it. The truth is that withholding that sort of information is all about power. He thinks he has control because he knows everything about everyone. But in fact, that isn’t control. It’s just some sort of selfish solipsistic trip.

The best news of this day is that Obama realized that offshore drilling in more territories to appease the moron “drill baby drill” set is a terrible idea, given that this latest catastrophe in the Louisiana area will have financial and ecological repercussions for years to come. They can’t even figure out how to stop the leak! It’s the worst thing that could have happened but it’s also the best thing. It’s the first time in a long time where there almost seems to be a karmic action in play.

the NY Times

April 29, 2010

My favorite section of the sunday Times is Style. It sounds fluffy and frivolous, and some of it is, but not all of it. There is the Modern Love column which is often about dealing with love and loss, love and alzheimer’s, love and divorce, love and death. And there is Vows, the crown jewel of wedding announcements. I show them to Noah sometimes, when one is especially exotic and/or romantic. But I never enjoy the wedding column as much when I find out either the bride or groom, usually both, are republicans. I think about their future and how there inevitably will be young republicans and it ruins it for me.

television

April 28, 2010

Kelsey Grammer is trying to develop a channel called The Right something. Meaning right wing. Just what we need. So far there are no takers.

Yesterday on the View the women spent forever talking about thin vs.fat (new studies show an extra 10 pounds or so is healthier). It’s all been rehashed to death so many times and there is never any conclusion. At the same time they were blabbling about fat and skinny and Dancing with the Stars there was some beefcake guy being grilled about his actions with Goldman Sachs. Real news. I know the View isn’t a political show but they take themselves seriously and I think they could have said something a little more interesting than what they did.

I wonder what time they wake in the morning? I wonder how much each of them is paid. It seems like a great job. Roll out of bed and head to a tv studio for makeup. Chat about what you’re going to chat about, and then actually chat. How hard could that be?

blind

April 27, 2010

I have been having some eye trouble. I hope it’s one of those issues that when you finally are driven to make a doctor’s appointment turns out to be nothing. (I do have an appointment, but not until friday of next week). This morning I sort of fell a little on the stairs and now I feel kind of spooked.

I would not be good as one of those artists that has a real health issue. No painting with my toes or making new sorts of art if the world is suddenly dark. I have to think that this will all be fixable, but this next week is going to be a little rough since I have driving to do and art to make and that thing called a job.

The problem is that I seem to have a little double vision in my left eye. It had been only a morning thing, but now it’s lasting longer. I’m going to take my lame self to the gym and work out and maybe all that jogging on a treadmill will bounce my eye into the proper place. If not, I will still feel a little less sow like.

the NY experience

April 26, 2010

last thursday should have been the perfect day. I was in NY, there to look at art all day, with nobody to slow me down or speed me up. It was gorgeous outside, I had a plan, I had some money in my pocket.

First I went to an exhibit of Maira Kalman work. And I paid for her new book to be shipped to me, signed. The show was nice. Little bits of really special, really excellent, some things that were sort of ordinary and two paintings that to me, didn’t belong in the show at all. But I spent a long time looking and soaking it in, had a nice time looking through articles about her and learning some things I didn’t know.

Before going to MOMA, my next stop, I went to my favorite diner and had a burger (well done) and coffee. I had a good book to read; The Film Club, by David Gilmour, and I was just so relaxed.

Next it was to MOMA, mostly to see the William Kentridge ‘show’. To call it an exhibit just doesn’t do it justice. There were films, films sort of like something Jean Cocteau might do. They were beautiful, sad, thought provoking, entertaining, funny, scary. The wall work was amazing too. His drawings are just so fresh, so well rendered. He’s one of those people that can draw anything.

Marina Abromovic was on the same floor, sitting in a beautiful red dress, probably made for her. Anyone could wait in line and sit across from her and stare, for however long. I decided to look at her ‘work’ first. I meandered through films of her torturing herself, being threatened with a bow and arrow (her choice), screaming etc. Scattered through the rooms were more films and also reenactments of her earlier performances. Many of the ‘actors’ were naked. Buck naked. It’s a little startling to see naked people in a crowd of dressed people, and especially naked men, who look more naked than women for some reason. I just flew through everything to get a feel for it, which I think I did.

Then I looked at books and thought about buying one (on Kentridge) but I didn’t. Then I decided that I would wait to sit with MA. I got in line and it seemed iffy that I would make it in time. The museum closed at 5:30 and it was about 4:20. People can sit there as long as they want and some people were time hogs. But our line was moving along so that by 5 or so there were just two of us. Me and this nebbishy looking guy with a nice little knitted hat. He didn’t know anything about MA or her work but he was told about this by a friend and thought it would be cool. He asked me why I wanted to do it and I told him I DID know about MA and was a fan and felt this was a kind of once in a lifetime chance. I didn’t want to miss it. As he walked to go in I said “don’t use up all my time!”. But, he did. What a schmuck. He came out of the taped off area all smiles, right up to me. I looked at him and said “I really do not like you at all” and I stomped off. I was so angry, crazy angry.

But I walked through Times Sqare and went into some shops and calmed down.

When I got back to Brooklyn I was laughing at myself and looking forward to Chinese food with mom. But, I noticed my car had been towed and the rest of the night was spent in the bowels of Brooklyn trying to gain freedom for it. It would have been pretty cut and dry except that I didn’t have my insurance card. I ended up having to track down Andy using borrowed cell phones from other tow traumatized people, every last one of whom was kind and gracious, and wait for him to find and fax the card, which he did. Then mom and I got lost trying to get back to her house. But, we made it.

What a strange end to the perfect day.

We never had Chinese food. We had leftover chicken and stuffing and a glass of scotch each.

tuesday

April 21, 2010

well, I guess I can say absolutely anything, because nobody is looking at this thing. I can barely find it myself.

So, I watched Idol tonight. Everytime I do I wish I could meet Simon Cowell. I would like him to wink at me, to say frus TRA ting, to say “off you go”, and then to sleep with him, and then afterwards he can say “off you go”, again. And wink, again.

Meanwhile, I sent off e-mails to folks I haven’t heard from in a while just to generate some kind of action for myself. I never know what to say though. I don’t want to come off sounding desperate. Especially with my gallery guy J. I want to know him better and have him know me better but I always write just a little to him. I sent him a new image, which he seemed to like and we had a small e-mail exchange. But I want more. I want to plumb depths.

Oh well.

April 19, 2010

How do people do this? How will anyone know that I am here and who will read this?

I am just home from work and now will mow my lawn. After I mow the lawn I feel I’ll deserve a reward, but the only reward I can give to myself is a tall glass of wine. That doesn’t seem like enough, but it’ll have to do.

Yesterday I finished reading (well, listening, it was an audio book) Disgrace, by J.M.Coetze. I feel I deserve a reward for that as well. It’s a lofty book. It’s not like Danielle Steele or Nicholas Sparks or Dan Brown. It’s the sort of book that might be discussed by people who write for the New Yorker.

I’m not sure I understood the ending, but all in all I found it readable and if it weren’t so incredibly sad, it would be enjoyable.

Hello world!

April 18, 2010

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